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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?